Buttercup's Gastroenteritis
by humby
Summary: Something's definitely not right at the Powerpuff household! Sorry y'all, it got removed! Had to repost it with a higher rating! :S!
1. Chapter 1

…. ….. buh.

…. Buh.

…buh.

Buttercup has gastroenteritis. She has been burping all day. The other day she ate a salad. The salad was green and … it had leaves, yes. She put it in her mouth, and it went crunch. Yes… Buh. So, the thing is, the leaves were on crack… so she got gastroenteritis. Meaning, she burped. Yes. Buh.

"ugh" Blossom grunted in disgust… "you are SO annoying, why do I even hang out with you!" Buttercup just burped back in response. "Fine! Be that way! We all know I'm the best Power Puff girl" When Buttercup heard this she punched Blossom and then continued her burping… buh. "I like ponies " Bubbles chimed in.

"Ponies my butt" said Buttercup amidst her spontaneous burping. Then Buttercup's brain flashed. Literally. It pulled up the top of her head and flashed. "Ugh," Blossom thought. Buttercup said, "I'm gonna go discover something."

"What?" Blossom said.

"I'm going to go to Professor."

So Buttercup hovered over into Professor's office. Buh.

To her surprise the professor wasn't there. Instead she saw Mojojo sitting in the professors chair and cackling evilly as he peered over some schematics.

But then, all of a gigantic sudden, Mojojo's face fell off. Buh. Buttercup screamed. Behind the ginormous face of Mojojo was the professor, giggling. "How do you like my new Mojojo-inator? It can convert me into Mojojo whenever I want!"

"Gee… Buh."

"What's up Buttercup?" he inquired, as he scratched his armpits in delight.

"Professor, why is my name Buttercup?"

"Hmmm," the Professor mused, clutching his chin and scratching… other parts. "The truth is Buttercup, I named you Buttercup because… when you were born out of that big pot of chemical X… I was eating a cup of butter."

"Oh wow. But then, why are Bubbles and Blossom called Bubbles and Blossom?"

"Hmmm… Well, you popped out while I ate my cup of butter… then I burped and out came some bubbles, and… Bubbles came out from the pot too! And then Blossom… well… Blossom is called Blossom because of… The Prophecy!"

"What Prophecy, Professor?"

"Before Blossom was born… a wise man told me… the pink girl from the pot… she… SHE would be the one… to BLOSSOM first… if you KNOW what I mean…" he winked at Buttercup insinuatingly.

"I think I get what you're saying" Buttercup replied… "You're saying she's the prettiest Power Puff Girl, aren't you! I HATE you!" She punched the professor and ran away.

"hmm.." the professor thought, "that one isn't so bad looking either… a real "demon in the sack"".

As Buttercup stomped her way out the room, the Professor called, "Oh! And don't forget to turn back your clocks today! It's daylight's savings!"

"Buh."

The end

In the next episode, find out how Buttercup cures her gastroenteritis, and learn some more dirty secrets from… THE POWERPUFF GIRLS.

"Buh!"

"Gosh darn it, damn gastroenteritis" Buttercup thought. She scratched her butt, then used the same hand to turn back the clock. Yes, today was daylight savings… another day for people to run outside with their large plastic bottles, capture some sun rays and save them in the fridge. I mean- HELLO, we have lamps nowadays people. Buttercup always thought it was the stupidest thing ever… and how did all this relate to turning back a clock? She wasn't sure…

She went upstairs, back to the room with Bubbles and Blossom. Blossom was brushing her hair, Bubbles was rolling on the ground.

"Did you discover anything with professor?" Blossom asked in her smart-aleck obnoxious sort of I'm-the-best-in-the-group little voice.

"Yeah, you're getting boobs." Buttercup replied. A shriek was heard. Blossom was gone. "Yeah, you go buy those double-D cups," Buttercup grunted. "Buh!"

"I like butterCUPS" Bubbles said. "They are yummier then Double-D cups, at least I think so…"

Buttercup and Bubbles stared at each other…..

…………

…………

yes, it was a long stare…..

"COLORS!" Bubbles shrieked all of a sudden, as a rainbow burst forth from Buttercup's tummy as if she was one big fat CareBear on crack.

"Gastroenteritis meets chemical X," Buttercup thought.

So out she went, a giant rainbow bursting forth from her navel. "HAHAHA! I'm the naval commander!" she thought. Navel… naval… she always thought that was funny.

As she walked down the street, children came running with butterflies in their flowing locks of gold, skipping like elves 'round a magical satyr's flute, brilliantly phosphorescing in the glow of Buttercup's tummy. Buttercup walked, the children skipped around her, singing their melodious hymns of spring. Yes. One CareBear on crack indeed.

But how will this all end?  
Stay tuned!


	2. Chapter 2

"Buh!"

"Gosh darn it, damn gastroenteritis" Buttercup thought. She scratched her butt, then used the same hand to turn back the clock. Yes, today was daylight savings… another day for people to run outside with their large plastic bottles, capture some sun rays and save them in the fridge. I mean- HELLO, we have lamps nowadays people. Buttercup always thought it was the stupidest thing ever… and how did all this relate to turning back a clock? She wasn't sure…

She went upstairs, back to the room with Bubbles and Blossom. Blossom was brushing her hair, Bubbles was rolling on the ground.

"Did you discover anything with professor?" Blossom asked in her smart-aleck obnoxious sort of I'm-the-best-in-the-group little voice.

"Yeah, you're getting boobs." Buttercup replied. A shriek was heard. Blossom was gone. "Yeah, you go buy those double-D cups," Buttercup grunted. "Buh!"

"I like butterCUPS" Bubbles said. "They are yummier then Double-D cups, at least I think so…"

Buttercup and Bubbles stared at each other…..

…………

…………

yes, it was a long stare…..

"COLORS!" Bubbles shrieked all of a sudden, as a rainbow burst forth from Buttercup's tummy as if she was one big fat CareBear on crack.

"Gastroenteritis meets chemical X," Buttercup thought.

So out she went, a giant rainbow bursting forth from her navel. "HAHAHA! I'm the naval commander!" she thought. Navel… naval… she always thought that was funny.

As she walked down the street, children came running with butterflies in their flowing locks of gold, skipping like elves 'round a magical satyr's flute, brilliantly phosphorescing in the glow of Buttercup's tummy. Buttercup walked, the children skipped around her, singing their melodious hymns of spring. Yes. One CareBear on crack indeed.

But how will this all end?  
Stay tuned!


	3. Chapter 3

"I see the sun" Buttercup said to herself. The belly rainbow was making her happy. Very happy. So happy, in fact, she was just too happy to be happy, and got sad. So she went and sat down in the Townsville Park. "Buh!" she went. "Oh why? Why am I cursed with such terrible ailments?"

Why yes, my friends. Gastroenteritis is one powerful sickness to have. It makes you burp, it makes you nauseous, it makes you want to barf, and… it makes you nauseous, which in turn makes you not want to eat, which in turn makes you lose 500 pounds on the Atkins diet, which in turn results in your being converted to nothing but a bag of bones, and believe me, Buttercup does NOT want to be a bag of bones.

SO, she sat down in the Townsville park. Yes, INSIDE it. On a bench, of course. No, not on the little ducks swimming in the pond, that would just be cruel… wait, no, that'd be cool. Yeah! She sat in the park, right on one of the just-hatched little ducklings, asphyxiating it with the enormity of her behind.

"I wish I was a phoenix" the duckling croaked as it expired beneath Buttercup's behind.

"Tough luck," Buttercup grunted, "I wanted to be a boy, and look what I got- a sissy green dress."

"Quack" quacked the duck in its deathly quackiness, as it closed its eyes and knew no more of this world.

Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

"Aw go to HELL," Buttercup yelled at the raven flapping 'round her face as she gave it a powerpunch and sent it hurdling against Townsville Hall. "Now, how do I stop – Buh! – burping?"

"Dost thou really desire to thy burping detain?" asked a suspicious voice.

Buttercup turned around. There it was, the owner of the suspicious voice was a suspicious character cloaked in suspicious-looking clothes. "_Suspicious_," Bubbles thought. "Who are _you_?" she asked. The rainbow from her tummy was still going full blast.

"Ah, if only thou knewest who _I_ am-eth," the suspicious character said suspiciously.

"You're suspicious," Buttercup said.

The suspicious character cackled suspiciously. "I can taketh thy gastroenteritis away-eth young girl… But for a price…"

Buttercup narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Buh. _What_ price?"

"Thou shall haveth to giveth me… your _VOICE-eth!_"

"HAHAHAHAH- buh!- HAHAHAH!" Buttercup guffawed. "You've GOT to be scratching my butt hairs man! That's the worst deal I've EVER- buh!-"

"Listen my chocolate morsel… I only thee for thy voice-eth… for THREE days-eth…"

"What am I?" Buttercup said, "The little mermaid or something?"

The suspicious character laughed suspiciously in the characteristic suspicious laughter of suspicious characters. "Why yes Buttercup. Thou _ART_ a mermaid-eth!"

"Buh!" and at that moment, Buttercup sprung enormous fins!


	4. Chapter 4

"Now that's just great!" Buttercup screamed. "Why the _fruit_ am I a freakin' mermaid?" Her tale was slapping from side to side uncontrollably. "Buh!" she burped.

"My child," the suspicious man said suspiciously, "I will now cure thy gastroenteritis, if and ONLY if thou giveth me thy voice for the duration-eth of three days!"

"Argh!" Buttercup cried. "I oughta pound you to butter!"

"Do we have a deal?"

"Buh! But you've gotta make me human again!"

"_ME_? My dear, sweet child, it was not I who did this to you."

Buttercup narrowed her eyes and farted. How in the world mermaids fart when they have no butts is beyond me. "What are you planning? Buh!"

"Thou art too suspicious, young one," the suspicious character said. He pulled a deathly pale and emaciated hand from within his cloak, and slowly waved it before Buttercup's face. She squeaked. Her voice was GONE!

"Buh!"

"And now… the CURE," the suspicious character laughed suspiciously. Walah! Out came a delicious frothy can of Ginger-Ale! No… the can itself wasn't frothy… the stuff inside was… cus the can was open… and out came the frothiness… making the can frothy…

Yes folks! When you've got gastroenteritis, drink Ginger-Ale!

"I always wished I could be Robo-Cop," Buttercup said.

The suspicious man just eyed her suspiciously… "Hey kid, you've got a rainbow sproutin' from your tummy. Be glad." And the suspicious character felt a deep sympathy towards Buttercup, and hugged her. Buttercup began weeping in his arms, as the can of Ginger-Ale slowly slithered down her powerpuff throat. "It's OK darling," said the suspicious character suspiciously as he suspiciously ran his suspicious hands through Buttercup's bowl-shaped head. Yes, THROUGH her head, you heard me. And that's how the love affair started!

And now we go back to the Powerpuff household!

"Gee Bubbles, I wonder where Buttercup is," said Blossom once again in her kiss-my-butt-cus-everyone-loves-the-powerpuff-leader voice.

"Maybe she's on the toilet going poopoo," said Bubbles smiling her sweet smile, her eyes aglow like two ginormous, oversized, supersized, large and altogether BIG jawbreakers colored in blue.

"No, she's a quick one at that," Blossom said, rubbing her chin… I just realized powerpuffs have no chin- their faces are all round or ovalesque… So Blossom rubbed her nose instead, yeah, that's it- she rubbed her nose. "When Buttercup poops, she shoots 'em out like a couple o' heat-seekin' missiles yah."

"Aight dawg!" Bubbles said in her characteristically manly and 50-cent-esque voice.

And then someone knocked on the door!

"Could it be Buttercup?" Blossom wondered.

OH BUT THEIR LIVES WERE ABOUT TO BE TERRIBLY SHAKEN!


	5. Chapter 5

The door opened.

"By all that is holy!" cried Bubbles.

There stood Buttercup, on her tailfins, her tummy enormous.

"Hello girls," said Buttercup rubbing her belly. "I am pregnant."

The other sisters' jaws fell wide open and flopped onto the floor, making a few chattering noises as they rattled their way down into the basement. "But- but- but Buttercup! This can't be!" Blossom cried.

Buttercup smiled. "Well, this really sexy mysterious character came along, and took away my gastroenteritis in return for my voice, so I just- oh wait. MY VOICE!" and at that moment, she remembered she had no voice, so she shut up.

"Buttercup! Tell us what happened!" Blossom cried in her dramatic-little-I'm-the-buttcrack-of-the-world-so-kiss-me voice.

"Mmmf! Mmmf!" Buttercup grunted, gesticulating wildly to indicate she had no voice.

"Alright," said Blossom, turning to Bubbles. "Our sister had gastroenteritis this morning, and now she's a pregnant mermaid. What could have happened!"

"Maybe, just maybe," Bubbles began, "She went out onto the street, and then her tummy burst a rainbow, and then she went to the park and sat on a duck, and then a mysterious man appeared mysteriously out of nowhere and mysteriously offered to cure her gastroenteritis in return for her voice, and then she turned into a mermaid for no reason, and then she had her gastroenteritis cured with ginger-ale (which does in fact relieve gastroenteritis folks! Seriously!), and then she lost her voice and for some mysterious reason made hot and candent and spicy actions with the mysterious man mysteriously, and now she's pregnant and turned up here!"

"Bubbles," frowned Blossom, "That is so completely random, it is impossible."

"Hell is not!" Buttercup yelled.

"Hey, I thought you couldn't talk," Blossom said.

And then she found out Buttercup HAD NOT spoken. It was a NEW POWER! They could now communicate telepathically!

And here ends our story, for the gastroenteritis is completely gone! But what exactly is growing in Buttercup's tummy? And what is the mysterious man mysteriously up to now that he has Buttercup's voice for three days? And who, oh WHO in the world turned Buttercup into a mermaid!

You'll just have to wait and see until the next, magical, beautiful and completely pointless adventure of the PPG arrives! As for now, Buttercup's Gastroenteritis has reached:

THE END!


End file.
